​When you can admit that something isn’t working and take it off the agenda (without judgement), you clear up bountiful headspace to be productive in another area.  Committing to this show and the long-term process of it has felt much easier when I elected to let go of some things that weren’t working.  Example?  I was feeling a little bit disenchanted with my yoga practice.  It happens.  So I took it off the list of things to get done in exchange for this process and am practicing only about once a week. It’s made room for figuring out the stuff that people are really curious about, which I thought would make for an interesting (low-pressure-on-Kaila) post. 

Q. So what are you eating?  Are you starving? Answer? A lot. And no.  An average day goes something like: 

Egg whites with avocado, Ezekial toast and coffee
Cottage cheese/plain yogurt and raw veggies for snacking whenever
Baked chicken or canned tuna and sweet potatoes with salad greens
Overnight oats with strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries
A protein shake or smoothie somewhere in the day, (sometimes with bonus almond butter!)
Salmon with veggies and a grain like rice, quinoa, or farro
Oodles of tea!
​
Much of this is made ahead of time. Everything is measured the night before I eat it.  I even organized my fridge to make it all easier (a logistical nightmare solved with dedicated shelves and one handy-dandy box.) Top shelf is for things that still need prepping or act as garnishes, bottom shelf is for things that are prepped and ready to be measured/eaten, center shelf (and handy-dandy box) are for the things I still have to eat in a day.  

When the box is empty, I’m done.  You’d think the box would be a bummer, but it’s actually a tremendous relief. The first two weeks meant a ton of time in the kitchen figuring out my system.  Now I probably prep food for about 3 hours a week total, spread out, and I don’t shop more than anyone else has to. I spend 30 minutes each night measuring food for the next day.  I don’t think about what I have to eat at all as the day goes by, because it’s already there.  Amazing advice from my coach Ariel - thanks girl!

Q. How’s the training?  Answer?  It’s hard.  I’m spending about 2 hours a day on it in addition to my clients and classes.  That said, that two hours includes all my lifting, some cardio, and a generous portion of mobility work. I’m putting my body through a lot, but I feel really good because I’ve made the time to do all the right things.  It’s really fun and I’m having a good time testing my limits (carefully.)

Q. What’s the point/what do you have to do for the competition?  Some people I’ve encountered think this is a weightlifting competition.  Those exist, but this isn’t it.  This is a competition in which you are judged purely on the look of your physique.  Are there parts of that that I don’t care for? Yes.  Am I going to do it anyway?  Yes. I’ll refer you back to my first blog post for more on that: Why Are You Doing What You’re Doing?  

Each bodybuilding federation has different categories and ways of breaking things down.  You’re given a series of poses and a walk to do that will showcase a certain number of things based on which category you’re in.  I’m aiming to be in the Figure category - as an example, one of things they look for is wide lats and a “v-taper” - wide shoulders, a narrow waist, and developed back.  It’s been fun to learn what these things are and focus my training on developing those things. In this category you wear a sparkly suit and heels. Yes, it is 100% totally bizarre to put on a bikini and heels and pose in them.  I’m choosing to have a sense of humor about the whole thing.  I figure you live one time.

Q. Is it hard to __________ (not drink/skip sweets/get all the training in?) Sure, but only to a certain extent.  I’m finding a great deal of freedom in the routine - I don’t have to think about what I’m eating.  I simply don’t drink (OK, I had a beer this weekend) I don’t stress if something doesn’t go perfectly, but I do recommit the next day. I tell my friends what I’m up to and people are supportive and nice when I don’t socialize the way people are used to. I leave bars early and GO TO BED. I feel I can keep coming back to these choices because I keep everything written down between a food-logging app and a training binder so I know exactly what to do day to day.  (Want help to get to this place?  Read here and contact me.)

I do everything one day, one workout, one set, one rep, one bite at a time.  It’s the most present I’ve ever been in my entire life.  How’s that for yogic?
​

​Well, I did it. With two weeks of May to go, I wrote a check that sealed the deal: for the summer and fall of 2017, I’m committed to training for my first bodybuilding competition.  I’ll be competing as a Figure athlete, which is one category in a spectrum of bodybuilding categories. It’s likely I’ll do two shows spaced closely together in November, the first of which is with the Organization of Competitive Bodybuilders.  Curious?  Read more about the sport and categories here.

I can remember seeing bodybuilding on TV years ago, as a teenaged girl, and watching with mild curiosity as to what the whole thing was about. I wasn’t a spectacularly active young woman; possessing only a few summers of rec center sports and two half-hearted seasons of high school track and field under my belt before turning to theater for several years.
 
It was in college, while studying for my BFA in Acting, that I discovered a variety of movement techniques, instructed to me first through the practice of yoga. The work I developed for the stage gave way to a lifetime commitment to yoga as an all-encompassing practice, which gave way to a career here in Madison, WI.  A teaching career gave way to personal training, and personal training has given way to a variety of wild, silly, compelling, soul-building body-based adventures.  
 
My life has been, and I believe always will be, a meandering exploration of the human form.
 
I thought long and hard for the last six months about why it is I would elect to do this work and compete in a sport like bodybuilding. I thought, “Isn’t it just about making your body look awesome?”  “Isn’t that antithetical to what I believe to be important about bodies?”  After a sudden change in direction for my fitness career late last summer and meeting my bodybuilding friend Ariel, I found myself pondering the idea often despite the fact that it doesn’t necessarily align with everything I think is important about bodies. 
 
I know from experience that anything we elect to do with our lives must be driven from a number of deep-seated desires.  If I were to share one seed, one opinion, on this subject with clients or friends it would be this: that we cannot do anyone one thing for only one reason.  Our reasons can certainly be filtered down into single mantras, concise thoughts, and pearls of wisdom to keep us focused when the day runs long; but the essence behind them must be larger and more powerful - an expansion of our souls and who we are as people.  Further, it’s terribly important to identify, to write down, to explore what your motivations are.
 
What is it that you’re trying to do in this life?  Have you taken the time to expand the foundation of why it is you’re doing that? How do all these reasons each fit into your various personal and professional goals? Do they overlap? (I think they likely should, but perhaps not all the way.)  
 
After six months of pondering, some intimate time with weight machines testing the waters, and one late night note-scribbling session, here’s what I think I’m doing and why.

 1.  Real talk - being a full time fitness instructor and personal trainer is hard. It’s taxing on your body, on your well of emotional resources, and some days on your mind. Things get worn out when you move stuff around a gym all day.  Muscles get lazy when you stand all day. The heart gets weary when friends bear their bodies and souls in classes. My mind often feels like it doesn’t know enough and sometimes keeps me up at night.
 
When you begin to roll all this together for months and years at a time, you begin to see that exploration of your own self and your own mind/body becomes paramount.  Any yoga teacher or trainer can tell you about a time when they lost themselves in their teaching, in their clients, in their constant study. I am no different than any other, and have fluctuated in and out of a connectedness to myself for all the years I’ve been helping others. It’s a package deal, so like many others, I have learned (the hard way, often) how to get myself out of a rut.
 
A sudden shift in where my primary source of income came from last summer drove me to take on a lot of new work at unfamiliar spaces in the blink of an eye.  It was stressful, scary, and tiring. For a few months I pulled together new opportunities (another part of the package deal) and found that all my extra energy was not going to creative or growth pursuits but simply “keep your shit together and pay the bills” pursuits. Enter: The Dreaded Yoga Teacher Rut.
 
When creative energy gets tapped into surviving, this rut gets rather deep very quickly.  Enter, strangely enough, bodybuilding.  I’ve watched my friends successfully prepare and compete and I have witnessed in them a passion and fire that has piqued my interest too.  I’ve snapped back, more than once, to teenaged Kaila staring absently at the strong women on TV. I’ve shifted the way I work out in this direction, dipping a toe in supersets and “leg days” and “back days” and the like.  And I really, really like how it makes me feel. There is an intangible juice to training this way.
 
A trial run of bodybuilding-like training and diet over the course of March and April sealed the deal: 24 weeks of serious focus is exactly the fire I want under my ass. The kind that will-relight the less tangible part of my being that does what I do. This experience will be food for my soul so that I may continue to give.
 
2.  Riding on the coattails of my soul-based desires is my hunger to learn more palpable information from experience.  Part of what is best about yoga as a practice is that most everything you stand to gain comes from partaking in the practice firsthand.  K. Pattabhi Jois once said “Yoga is 1% theory and 99% practice,” and he was fucking right.
 
There is a real science to bodybuilding - training muscles groups in a targeted way supported by a finely focused diet.  I exist on my mat to fine-tune down dog or to empty my mind. In the same way, I wish to roll around on the gym floor to fine-tune muscle size while clearing my head for better ways of thinking and being. (They are really the same thing, you see.)  I’ve got plenty more to learn about yoga - a lifetime’s worth of study.  But like I said in #1, variety can be the name of the game so I’m going to switch my focus for a while and see where it takes me. I could read about bodybuilding in theory - which I do.  I could continue to watch my friend and coach Ariel do it - which I will. I could dabble in the practice to see short-term outcomes - which I have.  What more do I stand to learn in this way if I do not do it myself?  
 
The average life expectancy of an average woman in the United States as of 2014 is 78.94 years.  I have every intention of blowing this figure out of the water, so if I live to be 90, that’s 4,680 total weeks of life. What’s 24 short weeks to gain real-time experience of something way outside of my knowledge base and comfort zone? I imagine the results will spark a power that will trickle out into the remaining 3,096 weeks I have left at 30 years old.  
 
I want to be the most complete resource I can be for people.  That means exploring the large veins (yoga) as much as the little capillaries that run out the sides (hypertrophy for sport!)
 
3. There’s this funny thing that is happening in the fitness world.  Ancient practices like yoga are converging with more modern training and sports. It’s happening everywhere, from professional football players to local gyms and it’s a fascinating time to be alive doing what I do.  There’s a constant feeling of “what’s next?!”  It’s very exciting, sometimes infuriating, sometimes awe-inspiring and makes me feel very fortunate to do what I do.
 
What’s unfortunate is that there are often bold, bold lines that run between these fields that so desperately want to converge. (Hey man, haven’t you heard? People get stuck in ruts.) It just happens and it can make it really hard for anyone to see and appreciate another way of working with the human body.
 
I always say that my first love is yoga - it will forever be the foundation of how I work with my own body and how I work with other bodies in my profession. Be that as it may, the choice I made to cross from yoga teaching into modern personal training is in an unparalleled way the best decision I have ever made personally and professionally.  I am blessed to see the same ideas and intentions packaged in different ways.  This often makes me simultaneously nervous and determined to know more.  There is a serious high to having your beliefs about anything challenge when you quit cowering in the corner of your comfort zone and face challenge with your own face, your own legs, your own hands.
 
When one offering like yoga isn’t serving someone, I can confidently hand them a pair of dumbbells and try a new way.  When squat racks seem massive and intimidating, I can take someone to an empty room with one sticky mat and a foam block. It’s the most gorgeous feeling there is.
 
When a body is lax, loose, and overly soft, I know a dozen ways to firm it up.  When a body is scared, locked up, and frozen, I know how to wiggle freedom out.  My body has changed exponentially since I layered in modern training with my yoga practice in just a few short years.  My way of thinking about most everything has been rewired while trying to meld the two.  I have made a lot more money than I ever could have solely teaching yoga.  I cannot help but think of how much I stand to gain if I grow yet another perspective for these eyes.
 
One of my professional missions in this world is to break down the bold lines that run between yoga and everything else. I want to understand the equally as bold lines between different kinds of yoga and different kinds of training.  I want to make it so that we can barely see these lines and one territory can mesh into another without a second thought - for the benefit of one body at a time. How am I to do that if I don’t get started trying it all myself?
 
4. There’s a great deal of distraction in this life - we are instructed to be a million different things all at once while simultaneously existing as simple, carefree spirits conducting lives of ease.  It can be so very difficult to address any one part of your life (relationships, work, hobbies and interests, health, fitness, food, activism, finances…) and simplify it down to a functional, sustainable place.  I often feel in working with people every day that our work is much more about this simplification than it is about our bodies.
 
I cannot say what the answer to this problem is for you.  While I’ve always got a number of projects (personal and professional) in the works, I find for me that highlighting one for an extended time and sorting it out inevitably leads to this simplicity so that I can move on to the next thing.  This year I feel compelled to simplify my relationship with food once and for all.
 
Believe it or not, the most important part of crafting your body to look a certain way is not necessarily training - it’s diet.  My coach Ariel told me in my training breakdowns that 80% of being stage-ready has to do with staying attentive to the diet that’s laid out for me. I met this statement with some mild skepticism and knew others I talked to would too - but she’s right.  For the last month I have funneled the majority of my free energy to setting up a system in which I can stick to my macro counts.  I introduced the weight training regimen only six days ago.  In that month, I have dropped 3% body fat and am already seeing a noticeable change in my body composition.  Interesting, no?
 
I want to know what it’s like to make real food all the time.  I want to know what it’s like to eat very clean.  I want to reduce my carbon footprint by eating less dairy and red meat, many fewer packaged foods and avoiding waste at all costs.  I want to know what it is like to treat food as fuel and not as a source of emotional joy.  I want to know what it’s like to socialize and play and be jubilant for an entire summer without having to drink alcohol (yes, no drinking!) to feel that way.  I want to break free of the modern perspective that food and drink must be intimately connected to my relationships and happiness.  I want to make it so that in the future (Thanksgiving, you just wait) I have a greater appreciation for the times that I do look to food and drink for the sheer enjoyment of it. Doesn’t that sound great?  I think that focusing my energy on my relationship with food for the purpose of bodybuilding will help to build the foundation I need to make this way of being a more permanent practice.
 
5. I’m so very curious to learn as much as I can about the dialogue women have with themselves about our bodies.  It’s no secret that many of us have had an uphill battle regarding our relationships with our physical forms. It’s no secret that the world has a lot to say about how we look.  Further, we are instructed to get to a certain look or place at all costs, and to expect that shift to be somehow permanent.  Spoiler alert: BODIES ARE NOT PERMANENT. 
 
I work with people that are overweight, with people who are underweight, with people who are completely average, with people who are very fit - and many of them have negative body image. I try as often as I can to teach everyone that our bodies are as fluid and changing as anything else - that there will be times when you will look/feel one way, and times when you will look/feel another.  This is where it gets tricky - because I also believe in setting goals so as to establish shape and drive to our daily lives.  Don’t these things conflict? I can’t help but feel that perhaps they don’t have to - even though I cannot yet quite put my finger on how we make it happen.
 
For the most part I have been blessed to have a healthy relationship with my body for my life so far; and the older I get the more I realize that this isn’t the status quo. I believe that because I have been given experiences that have created a healthy mindset around my body, one of my duties is to explore that mindset so I can share insight with others. I think doing what I am doing will open up conversations I may not otherwise get to have.
 
My coach Ariel recently nailed this in a conversation we had - she said, “You craft a body for 20-some weeks, for a specific purpose, knowing it will not stay that way.  It’s a single moment in time and you do not get to keep it.” Not surprisingly (Ariel is also a yoga teacher), this is closely related to the yogic principles of non-attachment and impermanence .

For both myself and as a demonstration to other women, I want to set a goal - a really tough one - and I want to meet it.  And then I will have no choice but to let the results fade away without losing an ounce of my personal worth. As a woman I want these changes to be empowering and exciting, just an ebbing and a flowing - rather than a high or low, win or loss. I want to always feel this way for myself, and I want these feelings to be out in the cosmos for all the women I know.
 
6. I think it will be fun to see what it’s like to be jacked - to get on stage again - maybe take home a funny trophy. Watch me go!

What are you doing this summer?  Do you know why? You don't need any fancy system to figure it out.  Write a few notes down and return to them each day to see where they go. I hope that you will take some time to ponder, explore, and grow.  

In good health,
KP

Day One - I'm ready, let's go!
​

Food prep - it's one of those things we all know we should do a little of, right? Read on for some ideas to simplify your shopping, prep, and cooking routines.

Rules for Shopping
1. Work with 3-5 days at a time.  We eat a lot of food in a 7 day week.  A 7 day week also has a weekend, which usually throws a wrench in the works. Work with 3 to 5 days a time: the early part of your week, then the late part of your week. In this way, yes, you are shopping more often. But these will be quick 20 to 30 minute trips instead of 60+ minutes that leave you with an enormous cart and frustrated at Hy-Vee.

Your food is also more fresh and you're able to skip those trips when you'll be out of town or eating out.

2. Buy fresh food every time. By "fresh" I mean greens, veggies, and fruits - those things that can come together for salads, for side dishes at dinner time, or those acting as snacks between meals.  They'll be more appetizing if they're not several days old. You'll see less produce go bad in your crisper and enjoy variety as the stores change up their seasonal offerings. You'll be getting those high doses of veggies you know you're supposed to have.

3. Rotate dry goods, canned goods and proteins. This is where shopping can get expensive.  If you're buying meats, eggs, grains, and other dry goods all at once - things add up. You also will begin to feel overwhelmed at what to cook or eat first.  Put yourself on a rotation that spreads things out: in one trip, you'll buy your eggs and tofu for salads. In the next trip, you'll buy chicken and breakfast meats. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Example Shopping Trip
The picture above is a spread of my small shopping trip from this morning and a few things left from last week (per rule #3).

Today I bought the following - the total was less than $40.
Romaine Lettuce (for salads)
Parsley (for salads)
Yellow Pepper (for salads)
Avocados (for salads, snacks, or breakfast)
Cucumber (for salads)
Cottage Cheese (for breakfast or snacks)
Breakfast Sausage Links (my kryptonite - for breakfast)
Bananas (for snacks)
Roma Tomatoes (for salads or snacks)
Fresh Broccoli (not pictured - still in the bag!)
Red Curry Paste (for many weeks of Thai dinners)
Jar of Honey (not pictured - for tea, etc)
Sore Throat Tea (Not pictured - I have a sore throat - boo!)

Leftover from last week/previous trips are:
Pink Beans (cooked last night, portioned for the week)
Farro (cooked last night, portioned for the week) What's Farro?
Extra Firm Tofu (for various salads and dinners)
Brown Rice (to be cooked for Thai Red Curry Tofu w/Veggies)
Eggs (not pictured - in the fridge!)
Onions, Garlic, and Potatoes (not pictured - in the pantry!)
Can of Coconut Milk (not pictured - in the pantry!)

Sometime near this weekend or over the weekend, I'll make my "late week" trip and the process starts over - I'll buy fresh food to replace those that I'll eat up in the next 3-5 days.  I'll still have the sausage links, but will likely need eggs. I'll grab some chicken since the tofu will be gone and work with that until the next round. Each trip usually includes replenishment of a grain (like rice, farro, or pasta) or a snack (dried apricots, cheese, protein bars/powder, or nuts) or canned goods (beans or coconut milk) and beverages (coffee, tea) - but not them all.  

It takes a few trips to get the rotation going, but trust me - it works!  You'll always have a few options for meals in your fridge (but not too many), food will be more fresh, and you'll spend less frustrated time in the grocery store.

The Prep Part
Everyone preps differently - some spend many hours on one day prepping a whole week!  That's awesome if it works for you.  It doesn't work for me: I end up wasting a lot of food and eating out toward the end of the week. I stick to my "early week/late week" rule with 2 or 3 short prep sessions throughout the week.  

For example: Last night I cooked the Farro and pink beans I had from a previous trip for dinner.  I finished off the last of my fresh produce in a small salad and made a list of what I wanted for this week's salads (pictured above.)  I cooked enough beans and Farro to make some meals for the next 3 days.

Today: I bought all you see pictured above. Produce never goes in the fridge un-prepped - it happens immediately after the trip. I took 10 minutes to chop the greens, the parsley, and the veggies that will keep in the fridge. Others that don't (like tomatoes or avocados) get sliced when I'm making the salad. Anything that is packaged (like tofu) gets de-packaged and portioned out into a container of my own for quick access. Food will keep better in these containers than it will in the plastic bags or containers they come in.  Now I'm ready to go for fast lunchtime salads for the next 4-5 days.

As I write this post: I'm cooking the rice that will go with the Thai Red Curry Tofu w/Veggies. The Curry will be made later tonight using Red Curry Paste, coconut milk, onions, garlic, and potatoes.  I'll put them together for dinner and make enough to portion out some meals that will last beyond the Beans and Farro. (There's that rotation again!) I'll steam some broccoli to go with the Curry.  By next week I'll be tired of cooking grains, so I'll probably put together a crock pot meal.  This week I'm mostly vegetarian, which is something I do once and a while to feel good and keep costs down. Next week I'll include some animal protein, which is ultimately up to you.

Stay Flexible
Putting yourself on a rotation makes it easier to create small, manageable shopping lists - this week I'm having beans, grains, and tofu - so next week will be chicken, green beans, and broccoli.  Or something like that.  Sometimes I choose what's most fresh in the grocery store to guide my major meals. Get flexible with yourself and recognize that you can deal with last minute changes as you shop.  Perhaps next week salmon will be on sale - so I'll grab that instead of this chicken I keep talking about.  Make a baseline list and then run with what moves you!  Feeding yourself should be a fun and (dare I say it?) exciting process. 

Keep in mind that I'm a single person feeding one - so adjust the size of your trips and your budget for the size of your family. Get them on their own rotations; in the case of large families I suggest saving lists to help you manage your rotations and get more routine so your significants and little ones know what to expect when it's time to eat. On this schedule I spend about $40 to $50 per trip, averaging $60 per week for homemade food.

Putting it Together: An Average Day
This isn't just theoretical, guys, it's what I actually do. Here's an average day based on the rotation I've had going for about a month now - I'm currently working with a 1600 calorie a day diet.  This is lower than what I normally do - trying to trim up for my 30th birthday in January and my sister's spring wedding! 

Breakfast
1 slice bacon, 1 egg, 1/2 avocado 
2 cups black coffee
Totals 300 calories

Lunch
Salad: romaine, parsley, 1/2 cup tofu, yellow pepper, sunflower seeds, ranch dressing
1/2 cup leftover tortellini (from a dinner out on the town this weekend!)
Totals 445 calories

Snack
protein shake - 2 scoops of powder, 1 scoop of flax seed, water (made in a shaker after the gym)
Totals 130 calories

Dinner
1 cup farro, 1 cup pink beans, scoop of shredded cheddar and 1 small heirloom tomato, tossed
handful of wonton strips to top the rice and beans
1/4 cup steamed green beans
Totals 502 calories

Post-Dinner
2 cups buttered popcorn (popped with oil on the stove top)
Totals 180 calories

Total for the day: 1557 calories 

Need more help?  I'm here for you!  This post is just the beginning of eating well. Connect with me here if you would like Nutrition Coaching and remember that practice makes perfect. If you have your own food prep ideas that work, share below!